Grant Me a Wish

I actually just realized how much I've taken some people in my life for granted.

For instance: When I was a little girl, I actually told my mom I wished I had this other girl's mommy instead. What a preposterous thing to say. First of all, although I didn't realize it then, I have the best mom there is. (Well, I'm sure everybody does, right?) She has done so much for me. And I told her I wanted another mommy? What the hell is that?

Also, as silly as it sounds, I wish I had paid more attention to the people around me in middle school and high school. Where are they now? I don't know. But I wish I did. I kind of miss them.

Ah, and I wish I had continued playing soccer. I loved that game so much, and I was a mighty fine midfielder/defender. Pretty athletic, too. I could have been up there with Mia Hamm. Maybe not. But maybe so. Who knows?

And what about when I was in kindergarten and wrote in a 15-page "About Me" booklet that I wanted to be a policewoman? Or when, a year later, I wrote in another "About Me" booklet that I wanted to be a veterinarian? Or when, a few years later, I dreamed of being an animal trainer at Sea World? Where do these dreams go?

People change. The only reason you ever feel that there's something or someone you have "taken for granted" at some point in your life is that hindsight is 20/20. Everything is clearer in retrospect. Your values and ideals now are much different from what they may have been when you broke your mother's heart by telling her you wanted another mommy. They may be different from when you pushed that kid into the sandbox. Or when you told somebody else's secret. Or when you broke a promise to your dearest friend. Or when you screwed up and had to start all over. Or when you lost your only love. Or your first love.

I guess that's why I actually don't want to be able to go back and change things. Sure, if I were the same person then as I am now, I would probably have done things a little differently. You know, if I knew where in my life I'd be. But I wasn't. Obviously. Every little detail comprises who we are. I don't think we should wish to change it.

Although...I do wish I had clearer skin. =]